11/11/2024

After a few days of chatting, a short disappearing act, and then a random reappearance, we finally set up our first date. Dinner and drinks at a trendy little spot downtown on a Monday evening.

He picked me up at 6:45 for our 7:00 reservation.

It’s funny how all of a sudden dating at 40 takes you back to the teenage years. Back then, I wanted to sneak out the door before my parents saw him. Now I’m sneaking out before the kid realizes. The curfew used to be set by my parents, and now it’s set by the babysitter and the fact that it is a work night. Life really is nothing more than cyclical.

I slide into the front seat of his car and am pleasantly surprised to find he looks exactly like his photos online. It took no time at all to start laughing and begin to relax in front of each other.

Dinner was three glasses of wine, a whole lot of laughs, and several hours long. It was very obvious rather quickly that we were compatible so far. Educated, liberal, and self-aware. Both raised in blue-collar families and first-generation college graduates. Each with a shit ton of our own baggage that we have been working diligently to clean up.

The question of doom loomed overhead: what are you looking for? Fuck if I know, honestly, I’m hoping that when I finally find it I’ll just know to stop looking.

Hitting it off over dinner, we decided we weren’t yet ready for the night to be over and we should head down the street for another drink.

He parked the car, unbuckled his seatbelt, and as I did the same, our eyes met over the console. He turned his head ever so slightly, closed his eyes, and leaned in. I mirrored him, and as our lips met, I melted. The butterflies inside me were erratic because holy shit, I have never felt anything like this during a kiss before. He cradled my face in his hand as he then let it slide to the base of my neck. My hand relaxed and rested on his thigh. Holy fuck, it’s not time for the night to be over, but also I don’t think it’s time for drinks.

He looked at me and said, “Fuck drinks, wanna grab a room?” It seemed so silly to me—get a room for an hour? It was already 10:30; I had to be home by midnight. He quickly followed up with the fact that he wasn’t trying to pressure me and he would wait. Drip, drip, drip…. Never mind the drip, that’s just my heart melting a little bit more.

Another five minutes of conversation interspersed with wandering hands and passionate kisses, and we decided, yes, we should definitely get the room. He picked a modern-feeling boutique hotel in the city that, truthfully, I’d like to go back to for a better look at in the daylight!

We walked into the room, made mention of how cute the room was, and then with no time to waste landed straight on the bed.

Now, I am not one to comment on penises. In my opinion, they are all the same level of unattractive, and there are pros and cons to different sizes, etc. I have never had a dick that made me think, that one is perfect…. Until now.

I smiled as I slid his pants off and realized that if my life were the story of Goldilocks, I just found the perfect size, shape, and look. It’s as if this is what I was searching for the whole time. We explored each other’s bodies with eager curiosity, simultaneously taking our time and rushing since we were short on time.

I was so present in the moment that I didn’t even take in all that was happening. All I know is that it felt good, and for the first time in a long time, I felt something I was certain I would never feel again—and it was amazing.