11/15/2024

If he wanted to, he would.

If you’ve heard that phrase as many times as I have, then chances are you’ve had a string of subpar partners in your life. Let’s face it, the empath-optimist in us can always find the good. We excuse the behavior, swallow the resentment, and pile all the responsibility on ourselves to keep things “good.”

That phrase has done wonders for me over the years.

But today… Today, I used it in a way I haven’t before, and fuck, that was exhilarating.

Every other Friday, I pack up the car with laundry, swing through McDonald’s to grab some food, and pick up my little man from school. Then we hit the road to meet my mom in Erie. It’s the halfway point between Pittsburgh and Buffalo and about a 90-minute trip each way.

We get up there, and he’ll hop into her car. They head back on I-90E while I get back on I-90W for 36 hours of stillness. Such was the routine today.

I’m still flying high from that Monday date with Dreamy, already daydreaming about when I’ll get to see him again. He’s got friends in town this weekend, and one date doesn’t exactly qualify me to even be mentioned to them yet.

I’m about 15 minutes from home, and we’ve been chatting back and forth a bit. I ask what time he’s meeting the guys tonight, and he says, “In about 20 minutes.” Sigh. He asked the obligatory, “What are you up to tonight?” and I casually mentioned stopping by my favorite local spot for a bite to eat and a drink before going home to do nothing.

“Want me to Venmo you for your dinner?”

I laughed when I read it and shook my head. “No. I actually wanted to see if you had time to meet me there.”

One minute. Two minutes. Dot, dot, dot. The bubble appears and disappears. Appears and disappears again. WTF, you’re killing me, dude! Then finally:

“Yea, I do want to meet you there. I can meet up with them later.”

HOLY FUCK.

So this is what they mean when they say, “If he wanted to, he would.”

It isn’t always about keeping yourself from making excuses for him, but sometimes it’s about reminding yourself that you are worthy of being the top priority. If he doesn’t show you that from time to time, let him go.