Emotional Safety Isn’t Political — It’s Personal
An honest look at what it’s like to realize that your truth isn’t safe in someone else’s worldview — even when they say they like you.
“Fuck me.
He’s a Trumper.
So that’s over.”
It’s tempting to say it was “just politics,” but that’s never what it really is.
The truth is, if I don’t feel emotionally safe with you, it’s already over.
Once again, I am leaving a Trump-respecting man with a confused look on his face because he simply cannot grasp why this can’t work “just because of politics.”
This time though—my feelings were different than usual. I wasn’t boiling in rage. Instead, I was taking a different approach. One that took ALL of my self-control.
I’m always shocked when someone asks me if I’m liberal or conservative. It honestly feels like a huge slap in the face because anyone who listens to me for more than two sentences can ascertain that I am most certainly a far-left liberal who will proudly wear the title of “woke.”
Sometimes it’s hard to even believe that at one time I considered myself to be a moderate. I would have said I was purple, with an even mix of blue and red. But over the past decade, any and all lingering red has left my system and I am staunchly liberal.
Tonight’s conversation was no different than the hundreds that have preceded it, and each and every one of them always contained the same parts:
Utter disbelief that I would be willing to sever a relationship over politics
The presumed higher road that they are, in fact, the better human because they would never do that
A simple close to make my point before I hit block
But something in tonight’s conversation stirred something loose and made me uneasy in a new way. The conversation was both familiar and unfamiliar at the same time, and it took me a minute to understand why.
When he told me he can disagree on politics and still like the person and be involved with them, it’s a good thing he couldn’t see my face as I replied.
“See, to me this isn’t about politics—this is unprecedented. I can’t align myself with anyone with whom I’m not safe to say what’s on my heart, unfiltered. The fact that you said the Constitution hasn’t been broken tells me you can’t be that person, and we don’t fall on the same side with this. I don’t think you’re a bad person. I don’t think you personally want to take rights away from people, but standing behind a felon and rapist whose laws are a serious danger to my life and millions of others… that’s a line I can’t bend without betraying myself.”
We exchanged a few more deflected texts about how Democrats dropped the ball and allowed Roe to be overturned—while never once mentioning that it is something that no competent human should be considering.
I brought the conversation back:
“I spent 10 years in a very emotionally abusive relationship. I spent many years learning to heal and self-regulate. Being made to feel like I am crazy or having my thoughts invalidated is something I haven’t learned how to navigate yet. I’m still healing. I know what I can’t handle yet.”
The irony of his response should be taught in schools:
“Well you’re not crazy, and I don’t think your points are invalid, if that matters.”
He couldn’t see that he had already, in fact, invalidated my feelings with his deflection.
So I decided to prod more… fingers crossed. I was hoping he would surprise me.
Spoiler alert—he didn’t.
“Let me ask you this—do you believe that there are only two genders?”
“Yes, it’s biology,” he responded.
Not what I wanted to hear, but I tried one more time: “What if I said sex is biological, and gender is a societal constraint—more like body image? Just because we don’t understand it, is that a reason to say it doesn’t exist or to dehumanize people who experience it differently?”
“It’s just science. XX and XY. I don’t think it’s dehumanizing—I just think that’s how biology works.”
And like every good Orange lover—there we were, stuck arguing over less than 1% of the population, instead of focusing on inclusive solutions or, I don’t know—SHIT THAT FUCKING MATTERS.
From here, he proceeded to mansplain, and I didn’t need to take any more time or energy on this.
Even though I had moved on with life and called out “NEXT” to the invisible line of worthy candidates looking for a partnership—something landed differently after this exchange, and here’s what I came up with.
This is the first time I put myself into the equation.
This is the first time I called out the truth in healed and simple terms without attempting to teach facts to someone who never learned where the non-fiction section of the library is.
The first time I made it about ME.
Politics aside—I do not have space in my life for anyone not several years into their healing.
I do not have space in my world for anyone who I do not feel emotionally safe with.
My life is not open to those who disregard boundaries, invalidate my feelings, or gaslight me in any way. These are all qualities that every single MAGA supporter displays.
HEALED MAGA supporters do not exist.
Emotionally intelligent MAGA supporters in possession of a conscience do not exist.
Toss in the fact that we live by different values and truths—no, you can’t be in my life.
For the first time ever, I didn’t make the fight about everyone else who I will proudly link arms with…
For the first time ever, I made it solely about me.
And about the fact that your behavior is dangerous for me.
