Jasmine’s Story
How she went from not getting in her own pool because friends were there, to wearing her bathing suit in public
Jasmine has always described herself as fat. She was always bigger than the other girls in school, and her weight has been a constant concern throughout her life. It affected her confidence, relationships, and every aspect of her life.
One scorching summer day, with humidity near 90%, she mentioned how much she wanted to go swimming.
I was puzzled because I knew she had a pool in her yard. So, I asked why she wasn’t swimming.
That’s when she told me.
Jasmine is so self-conscious that she will sit on the deck, sweating under layers of clothing, while inviting everyone in the neighborhood over to cool off in her pool.
My jaw practically hit the table.
"WAIT, WHAT? WHY?"
Her face reddened as she confessed she hates her body that much. She doesn’t feel anyone else should have to look at it.
I shook my head in disbelief and said passionately, "FUCK THAT. It’s your pool, in your yard, behind your house, where you pay the taxes. You can go in naked if you want! And if they don’t like it, they can go back to their yard, where there’s no pool, and get heat stroke."
She laughed and shrugged, but I wasn’t letting it go.
"So, you’re going to sit and be uncomfortable so that someone else isn’t uncomfortable with your body?"
She nodded.
"These are friends?"
"Yep," she said.
"Friends, but you’re not comfortable in a bathing suit around them? Are you afraid they might not come back?"
Tears welled up in her eyes as she nodded again.
"Okay, so tell me why we’re calling them friends? Because, in my book, a friendship is way bigger than any jean size."
I could see I was getting somewhere. She knew it too. Her friendship is bigger than her jean size.
I continued, "What about your son? What will his memories of the cookouts and parties be?"
She shook her head, saying she didn’t want to think about it.
"But that’s just it—we can avoid thinking about it, bury our heads in the sand as the days pass by, but at some point, we have to face it."
"Do you think your son cares about your body?"
She mumbled, "No," as she wiped away a tear.
"But what do I do? What if I step out in my bathing suit and my biggest fears come true?"
I stood silent for a moment, then whispered to her, "What if that happens? What does that actually mean?"
She looked at me, took a deep breath, and said, "It means they were never real friends, and I’m probably better off without them."
"GIRL, YESSSSS!!! And if that’s the case, it will be sad, but do you really want them in your life?"
As she walked out of my office, she stopped and turned back to me, "I think I can do it because you’re right—I deserve to swim in my own pool."
Two weeks later, I got this message: "I just needed to tell you! We are camping. I forgot my swim skirt and still went in the water."
FUCK TO THE YEAH!!!
If you’re ready to stop letting your body be the boss of you, I’m ready to help!
Deconstruction:
Body image insecurities have long been tools of control, rooted in patriarchal systems. Those who feel insecure about their bodies often buy into the belief that they’re unworthy, leading them to seek validation through people-pleasing. This lack of boundaries perpetuates a cycle of manipulation.
Confident humans cannot be manipulated.
Confident humans cannot be controlled.
The greatest threat to the Patriarchy is confident humans.
Every BRAVE DECISION we make chips away at the Patriarchy, allowing us to reclaim our true selves and refuse to be molded by others.
This history is complex, with deep roots and many twists. The first step to unraveling it is to understand the power of body image.
BODY IMAGE: The way YOU THINK about your body.
It’s not about size, shape, color, or any physical trait. It’s the STORY you’ve created about the body you inhabit, which is often detached from reality.
Can you separate who you are from the body that carries you?
Who you are: that’s your soul.
Your body: that’s just the vessel that carries your soul.
YOU ARE NOT YOUR BODY.
